I went to a surprise birthday party last night.
It was for a very good friend of mine, the family whom I have known for most of my life.

The night started out with me interacting with the people that I already knew there and being introduced to new persons throughout the night. Those ‘new’ people all knew each other previously, so for most of the night, I was in fact the new person.

After my introductions to everyone and conversations were continuing, I started to feel awkward where I was standing and among the people around me, so I excused myself and wondered inside the house – to somewhere where I felt safe.

Here’s the thing. In University we did the Myers Briggs Test and I was identified as an Introvert. BUT, if you knew of me, or watched me randomly, I have always been told that I am not, and infact I seem more of an extrovert.  The issue is, unless I am 100% comfortable, I tend to shy away, be very quiet and “wish the time away”… in addition to other feelings.

And although many have their different opinions, I think the test was accurate.

I sat for a while and then got upset with myself. I scolded myself that this situation is not new and I always let it happen and then scolded myself for putting myself into these situations… all very selfishly thinking.

And then my challenged kicked in…

I began to scold myself for thinking like this (for being negative) and started to ‘pep-talk’ myself to ‘pull myself together’. It started with statements like “why are you inside, when the party (and music) is outside?”; “no one’s taking you on – the focus is the birthday girl”; “what have you got to loose?”; “give yourself a chance, they seem like friendly people”… etc.

I proceeded to get up and very nervously went outside, back to the party.

The sad thing is that this is a reoccurring pep-talk that I give myself, of course ‘tweaked’ to the occasion. I am shy. I am scared to meet people. I don’t make friends easily – I’m always afraid that I’ll get hurt or be judged or that I will trust too easily etc….

But I am working on that. I am working on me; to gain more confidence, to do new things, to interact with new people and experience new experiences.

When I went outside, I randomly started talking to some new guy that was there, and had a very interesting and exciting conversion about travel experiences… and by the end of the night, phone numbers were exchanged 🙂

I am proud that I ‘pep-talked myself’ into going back outside, and that I didn’t continue to shy away inside the house… Once the initial ‘protective shield’ got lowered (a bit), I had a great time at her party and met some very nice people.

This is me, working on me.

Oh and for the record, my friend was really surprised! we did her good! Hehe 😉